This was a song I’d sing over and over again growing up. It was by a guy named Daniel Powter, and the lyrics were so on point about not moping around and feeling sorry for yourself.
Well, yesterday I had a terribly shitty day. It started with an 8:30 am class, which means waking up at 6:30am after only a few hours of sleep. Class was fine-not thrilling but not boring. Then I went to work at the Veterans clinic, where I had to work on a case that I share with someone else. I saw her in the office and thought she’d stop by to check in how the case was coming along…nope, she left without a word hours later. I texted her to see where she was and in response to “Did you leave? I was hoping to work on the case a little bit”…”Yes I have class 1-4.” Seriously? I was so upset and might ask to be taken off the case because it’s so frustrating to work on someone when she can’t come in when I can.
Fast forward to my second class of the day where I actually did all the reading and I didn’t get called on. That means more than likely I’ll have to read more thoroughly for tomorrow because I’ll probably get called on. What a waste of effort, not really, but it kind of felt like it.
About halfway through my day I got this burning sensation which probably meant that my UTI from last week hadn’t gone completely away. Naturally I called my mom who texted me that she’d scheduled an appointment I could meet her at after my last class. Long story short, I rushed through evening traffic to get to this appointment, waited two hours for an incompetent nurse practitioner to overanalyze unimportant aspects of my medical history (like allergy pills for pet dander), and after three hours and slapping my kidneys, told me I probably have kidney failure or something drastic and wouldn’t give me anything to deal with my pain…OH and she told me to go to urgent care. After three hours of doing nothing and not having my books to study, I was told to go spend three plus more hours doing nothing to get another inconclusive test and no treatment.
I was hysterical leaving the appointment. I will never go to another CVS fucking “minute clinic” again, because that bullshit took hundreds of minutes and no solution to the problem I was dealing with. On top of feeling frustrated and anxious and full of tears, I still had mountains of homework to get to for class today.
So even though I cried my eyes out last night, had my boyfriend come over with food he had made, and got some really sweet notes on social media from friends and family about staying strong, I’m really sick and tired of dealing with chronically being sick all the time.
It was one thing during my year off when I had the time, or rather, could make the time to gripe about health. Now I just have to plot on, symptoms or not, and pretend I’m okay. I did meet with the disability office at school yesterday about having my dog accompanying me to some of my classes…so that’s pretty exciting.
Even last night, he refused to go in his kennel and insisted laying with me all night.
So here’s to hoping last night was just the pinnacle of a really bad day and that today will be better.
Spoonie Adventures in Books, Beauty, & Bullshit
I'm a twenty-something year old recent law and business school grad living with a chronic health condition. Follow along on my shenanigans.