Today I came to the realization, well, actually a re-realization that friendships ebb and flow like many other things in nature. This jaunt started with planning celebrations for my 25th birthday in a few weeks, and someone who I thought was a really good friend came up with a gaggle of excuses that she couldn’t come. We’ve been friends since college, so a little over six years…and we’d been talking about this trip happening for almost a year. I figured that was more than enough notice for her to save up if she needed to.
The other night I gave her almost a month’s notice that the trip was actually happening, and after figuring out the cost for accommodations, I gave her a number divvied up amongst the approximate number of guests that could comfortably fit in a room. I’m not talking 10 people to a room like the last time I went with her to this destination-no more than two people to a bed. Reasonable right? Well reasonable certainly bit me in the ass when she told me a little over $100/night per person was ridiculous. She was thinking more along the lines of $50/night at most.
Wow. Ok…if we want to come back with lice and bed bugs…or sleep a dozen people.
I wasn’t okay with this, and I checked with everyone else in the group if what I was asking was unreasonable. After a resounding “no,” in fact, many told me that I had found a great price…I settled on the premise my “friend” was being inconsiderate and full of excuses.
This wasn’t something I was springing on her last minute. I’d been talking about a trip like this for more than a year and she consistently seemed to be on board, but when it actually became feasible, she changed her tune.
I know this girl’s been on a bunch of trips all over the place for other people’s birthdays recently, which only made her brushing me off hurt more. Her reasoning for blowing me off was “I just paid for tuition and what you’re asking is way too much.” Last time I talked to her, she wasn’t starting classes until next year…so I don’t know what tuition she’s paying for.
Anywhoo, I think I’ve whittled down a solid group of a few friends. My boyfriend will be coming and joined by a friend from out of town, so he won’t feel like he’s stuck with a group of biddy girls. I’m learning that some friends are in it for the long haul, while others only stick around when it’s convenient. It kind of bums me out that even with a year’s worth of notice she still bailed on me, but her fair-weatherness only made me refocus on the friends that are actually really excited to celebrate with me and make this birthday memorable.
OH. I should also note, one of my other friends at school, whom I only met a month ago, but we’ve already bonded leaps and bounds over service dogs and a gaggle of health issues…when I asked her if she wanted to come, but prefaced I knew her health might not permit it, she promptly told me we were going on a spa day to celebrate instead-more our pace.
We’ve only been friends for a short while, but this act of kindness spoke leaps and bounds over the other friendship I thought I could count on to be there for my birthday celebrations.
I’m excited to be back in law school and making a concerted effort to get this goal completed. Work and classes are going well, minus a classmate who literally gives more excuses than whatever metaphor would be appropro.
Now back to class…