It’s been a minute since I’ve been on here. I’ve been trying to be more mindful about how much time I spend online (blogging, social media, phone time in general). I’ve also been trying to figure out what direction to take this blog now that I’m done with law school and no longer juggling my health between classes and bar study. I’m also in this weird limbo between post-grad and pre-career life.
I guess you could say that there are a lot of things up in the air right now, but I wanted to hop and here and share that the guy I wrote Thoughts | You Should Date a Thoughtful Man about asked me to marry him . . . and I said yes!
This blog has been with me through thick and thin – death, heartache, heartbreak, and health issues galore. In a world full of uncertainty and so many up’s and down’s, this has been a recent moment of celebration and after spending some time celebrating it IRL, I wanted to share it online with an audience that’s been nothing short of supportive as I’ve shared some of darkest and trying moments from my life over the last several years.
This time last year I was boarding a flight on a second date cross-country with a guy I met on the heels of the gnarliest breakup I’d ever gone through. As painful as it was, I shared my unfiltered thoughts about going through the ensuing gamut of emotions because it was my hope that someone, somewhere would find my words as hope that it does get better – because it does.
I want to talk about our engagement and subsequent thoughts on planning a wedding, because as I continue to tease out what this blog means to me, I’ve learned that life is an ebb and flow of joy and sorrow. When you’re going through the good times, remember to celebrate those and put your phone down to really enjoy the moment. But when you’re going through something tough, know it won’t last forever, and in a month, a year, five years from now, you’ll see it all with different eyes.
Today I’m sharing a happy moment, because that’s where I’m at right now. I’m riding a wave of happiness with a man who could’ve easily walked away last year when I told him I had more baggage than a carousel at LAX.
I want to share my thoughts going through the process of planning a wedding because it’s something that’s bound to cause anxiety, and as an anxiety-prone person, I’m sure other girls (and guys) out there could use some tips to cut down the stress.
According to this list, marriage is the third most stressful time in one’s life, just after the death of a loved one and divorce. SO, that’s why I’m talking about it on here. Even if you’re not planning a wedding for yourself, maybe you’re in one this year, or have a friend going through the process. I want to share tips and tricks as I learn about them myself (and impart the wisdom that I’m sure I’ll be receiving to no end).
To say it’s been a flurry of excitement would be an understatement. The love we’ve felt from friends and family has been next level. It’s also been really cool to have a husband-to-be who is just as excited (maybe more so?) than I am to plan everything.
SO, what have I done so far. . . well, step one, get engaged. Even if you have an inkling it’s around the corner, there’s still an element of surprise when he pulls that little box out and gets down on one knee.
I want to make a note that I don’t think there’s one person in this world capable of being your “one true love.” Having dated (a lot) and loved (a bit), I think if you and the person you’re with are committed to one another, your love is unstoppable. That’s what I’ve found with my guy – I met him at one of the worst times in my life, and since that day last spring, we’ve endured some pretty heavy shit, like:
-the time I broke down the week before the bar exam last summer and was inconsolable for hours because I didn’t think I could take the test, let alone pass it; (well, that whole summer was brutal because I was constantly three seconds from a hot mess meltdown after studying eight to ten hours every day for three months . . . and we’d only been dating a few months at that time)
-the night my grandfather died and he held me as the paramedics performed CPR on his lifeless corpse for what felt like an eternity
-all the panic attacks, incessant hours of flares, and impromptu trips to the emergency room for invasive procedures to fix what will likely be a lifetime of fragile health
-the night a neighbor assaulted me, the police had to get involved, and he drove an hour to be there with me when I filed the report at 2am
-all the moments from my past that continue to trickle into my present, because you don’t just stop caring for someone because they’re no longer around
This man has seen me at my worst . . . and he hasn’t left.
He’s weathered my moments of impatience, anger, and frustration. He’s been a constant source of support and love, even when I have felt incapable of either towards myself or others.
This man has also seen me at my best . . . and I feel like the luckiest girl alive to know I’ll always have him to cheer me on in whatever I do.
He’s seen me walk across two graduation stages. He was the only person I was with when I found out I passed one of the hardest bar exams in the country.
We haven’t exchanged vows yet, but this last year has truly been a test of “better or worse” and neither of us have walked away. Love is a daily commitment, and I think once you find someone you can make that promise to (and that person to you), give that relationship everything you have.
I may not have everything figured out, but I know this: you get what you put into your life. Pursue opportunities, because everything is a “no” unless you ask. Take risks, because sometimes the safety of your past is what’s holding you back from really living in the present. Love without reservation, because sometimes you might come across someone who is worth holding on tight to and never letting go.
It’s crazy to think where I was a year ago, fresh out of a long-term relationship that rocked my world so hard I never thought I’d recover. Three years ago, I’d just left law school and adopted Dakota, the sweet desert dog I’d have to put down six months later. Six years ago, I’d just accepted an offer to go to law school and was newly coping with what would become the daily health struggles I deal with to this day.
There have been so many difficult moments over the last several years, but you know what? If I could go back and brace that young woman for all she’d endure, I wouldn’t. With every difficult situation, I’ve learned how to adapt and better deal with the next challenge that came my way.
My fairytale is far from ordinary, and to be totally honest, it’s not extraordinary. I’m just a girl on the other side of this computer. I am a constant work-in-progress and 2LWithIt is my place to carve out a piece of sunlight in a world that too often gets caught up in basking in its darkness.
So if you’ve made it this far, thank you for being here. I started this blog with an audience of one – myself. 2LWithIt was born out of a desperate attempt to spit out every frustration I was going through, and in writing, I learned that I was not alone.
Law school is hard.
Relationships are hard.
Breakups are (even) hard(er).
Life is hard, but that doesn’t mean it has to harden you.
I’m living proof that what literally doesn’t kill you can make you stronger, you just have to stick it out long enough to see that good shit manifest.
So here’s to never giving up on love.
To never giving up on yourself, because it does get better.
All my love.