I should preface that I have always been intrigued by woo woo shit, but I was always hesitant to dip my feet into it because I didn’t know how much was hot air and how much was real…until now.
That being said, I think most things in life have the weight that you give them. Just like the transitory nature of relationships and how we can ebb and flow from overwhelming feelings of ardour for someone who was once a stranger, to reverting back to strangers at the drop of a hat, I think elements of the spiritual world can be held similarly. You can believe they exist. You can say that they don’t. Some people think true love exists, others vehemently do not. But whatever your schtick is, bear with me because this girl right here literally had nothing to lose and found a glimmer of hope talking to a stranger about her future and dead people.
Are you curious to continue reading? Okay, let’s go!
SO, the context: it’s been a few months since my breakup and I’m still doing piss poor. Meals consist mostly of potato chips (that’s a form of vegetable, right?) and whatever amalgamation of takeout is left in the fridge. I can count on one hand the number of meals I have cooked for myself since September, which is a sharp departure from cooking almost daily (but maybe that’s just shit you do when you live with someone and most single people don’t do the whole cooking for one thing. I don’t know).
I don’t know if it’s not wanting to eat the same thing ten times in a row because I have no one to split leftovers with, or maybe it’s the fact that so many of my good memories are inextricably tied to time spent in the kitchen cooking together…the gist is I’ve become a takeout regular at a handful of local spots (which is a good thing I guess given the whole pandemic and no in-person dining, right?).
I’m turning into a good ‘ol fashioned Carrie Bradshaw; ya know, where I store my shoes in the oven because I never cook? I will say, my kitchen has never stayed so clean, or looked so Pinterest-y, like, since I moved in, but that’s probably it gets used about as often as a model home’s appliances. Maybe that’ll change in the future, but for now, it’s instant oatmeal and takeout most days of the week.
Anyway, I digress. One of my best friends called me on her drive home from work and at some point in the conversation she mentioned connecting with this girl she’d met in a yoga class a while back. My friend had recently done a tarot reading with this girl and it brought her a lot of solace about things that were going on in her life.
Now, if you’re like me, you’re like “what kind of things can you ask during a tarot card reading?” Well, simply put, you can ask about anything:
Are you in the right career path?
If/will you get married?
If/will you have children?
You can ask about friends and family who’ve passed on.
You can ask about friendships and other things that are important to you.
Ya get the drift.
Now, before you get carried away, I should say – all of these things are transitory, like, they’re what the person can sense about your future when you’re doing the reading, but so many things can change the trajectory of your “future,” so it’s not a guarantee “this is what’s going to happen” kind of thing, or at least that’s how I understand it.
When I did the reading, I legitimately felt like I’d hit rock bottom as far as breakups go. My heart felt/sometimes still feels like it’s gone through a meat grinder many times over and even entertaining the possibility that I could try again with someone new, let alone find someone who doesn’t inevitably leave (because thus far my track record is 100%), is downright terrifying.
I’ve been going on dates and doing things that make me happy, but in an instant I’ll see something or hear a song and it’s game over. It’s like one of those scenes in a movie where you see your whole life flash before your eyes, except I see old memories of things we’d do or trips we went on, and I’ll have to remind myself that’s not my present reality…and to be perfectly honest, it fucking sucks.
For example, we had ornaments that we’d gotten on trips together that we were going to hang on a tree this year because we were going to be at our place instead of traveling like we’d done the two previous Christmases…now, instead of hanging them up and reminiscing about those adventures, those beauties reside in a box that’ll probably never see the light of day because that’s just what you have to do in order to piece yourself back together when everything falls apart.
But I digress. During my reading, I wasn’t worrying about the ornaments or the jarring memories. For an uninterrupted hour and a half, I was completely at peace. Okay, well, if we’re being honest, I was bawling most of the time because she mentioned that one of my dead relatives was present with great specificity (details I hadn’t told her prior to the session) and it truly made me feel like I wasn’t in this thing (life, the breakup, whatever) alone.
I don’t know how much of it was me “reading” into things and how much was actual “communication” from the other side and/or the future, but in those ninety minutes, every painful thing I’ve dealt with in the last several years felt a little (and some, a lot) less heavy.
For the first time in a long time I had hope that I wouldn’t keep finding myself in relationships that ended just as we were approaching a threshold of commitment (one was a few weeks before he had planned on proposing, the other was a few months before we were supposed to get married).
I don’t really know how else to describe it other than calming. Her energy was calming. The things that she said were calming. I just, I don’t know, for the first time in years, I felt like I was/am working towards something worthwhile. In addition to answering questions about what might happen in my future, she also provided me with a bunch of resources to continue working on things on my end (how to balance my chakras that were out of whack, different meditations and affirmations I could try, etc.).
Now, if you’ve made this this far, bravo. I think that pretty much sums up the gist of my experience. I’m sure the reading would’ve been different if it wasn’t COVID season, as we did it all over text, so there was less ambiance like candles and crystals and mood lighting…but I really enjoyed it and it worked, all things considered.
I guess what I want to get across in sharing about this experience is that it helped give me a bit of levity and pause to reevaluate what’s been going on in my life recently. For a lack of sugar-coating, my life has been a complete shit show. Within a matter of weeks, I lost my fiancé, my job, and all semblance of normalcy amidst a global pandemic…right before my birthday…while my health flares were at an all-time high (like, the last time they were this bad I was in law school and regularly in Urgent Care).
As Charles Dickens would say, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
But I guess the best takeaway from all of this was it was totally on a whim that my friend called me that night and happened to mention this person that she had connected with. While I don’t know exactly how it works or any of the intricacies behind mediums and tarot cards, I will say, at the very least, it made me feel less alone navigating something that has felt incredibly isolating and alienating and, well, soul-crushing.
Beyond that, if I was actually connecting with and speaking to angels (or someone/something that exists at a higher frequency than us mere mortals) about what’s going to potentially unfold in my future, I’m ready. I’m doing the work, or at least trying to, even on days when it’s a steady one-two-punch of instant oatmeal, takeout, and going to bed early.
I’m sure it’s been said a hundred times, but if you’re going through something difficult now, or in the past, or even in the future, the truth is you’re not alone. Quite literally, you’re not the first person to go through a breakup, or the loss of a job, or the death of a loved one, or even the myriad of emotions that capture this thing we call “the human experience.” But also on a deeper level, even if you don’t ascribe to things like faith or religion, you could probably acknowledge, even in the smallest way, that there are things at play (heck, even call it science) that are greater than ourselves.
If you’re at all interested in learning more about tarot cards/readings/connecting with the woman, I’d be happy to introduce ya to her. She truly has the kindest heart, and I have nothing but gratitude for my friend bringing her into my life at a time when I truly felt directionless and without much hope about what may lie ahead.